Blog entry

‘Twas the night before Heartagram Day,
And all throughout the house
My parents couldn’t fall asleep
Because my music was too loud
The heartgrams were hung and the crosses inverted with care
In hopes that HIM soon would be there

The Christians kneeled & prayed by their beds,
While visions of demonic things danced in their heads.
And my friends in their best HIM garb, and I in mine too,
Jumped on the bed while reciting “Venus Doom”

When from down the street arose such a clatter,
We sprang from bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window we flew like belfry bats,
Opened the window with such force it broke the glass

The bloodied moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of death and destruction to the world below.
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But a black hearse, blasting HIM music for all to hear

Whoever was driving was so lively & fast
We knew in a moment it must be the drummer, Gas
More rapid than the black plague, HIM did came,
And we whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Hooray for Ville, Burton, Linde, Mige, and Gas!” We cried
As well as other fellow HIM fans screamed into the night
Parents held rosaries & sprinkled Holy Water
As the demons of HIM visited their sons & daughters

Crazed Christians & Hippies in protest of this day
Threw down their bibles & signs to dodge out of the way
So on my father’s perfect lawn, HIM parked the hearse
And each armed with a ladder, they quickly dispersed

And then, in a twinkling, we heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of someone‘s shoes.
As we drew in our heads & turned around,
Down the chimney Ville Valo came with a bound.

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes smelt of cigarette ashes & soot.
A bundle of goodies he had flung on his back,
And in his right hand held a cigarette pack

His eyes seemed to have a life of themselves
Burned through the dark like the fires of hell
His laugh echoed throughout the night
And filled my parents’ hearts with such a fright

He placed a cigarette in his mouth and grinned
As he mumbled, “Bless all who have sinned”
The butt of his cigarette he held tight in his teeth,
As the smoke encircled his head like a black wreath.

He was tall & thin, & scary as hell
My friends & I cheered but my folks crossed themselves
The look in his eyes & the sack of HIM goodies he had in hand,
Soon gave me to know my parents had much to dread.

He hummed a song as he went straight to his work,
And dumped out the HIM goodies, then turned with a jerk.
He gave my parents the finger, before shoving it up his nose
And giving my friends & I a wink, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to the hearse, along with Burton, Linde, Mige, & Gas,
And away they all went as if a fire were set under their ass
But we heard them exclaim, as they drove out of sight,
"Happy Heartagram Day to all, and to all an evil night!"